I love to write. It's my way of looking inside of me and examining what I really think and feel. There are an abundance of journals laying around the house. One contains letters to my husband. Another is more of a diary of events. There are more.
I've done this since the early 90's when I used journaling to process the events of my first marriage and my feelings about them. That led to journaling to God. Now I've decided to begin putting those "letters to God" on my blog. Maybe someone will read them and find common ground or perhaps even a helping hand up.
May these letters lead wayfarers Home.
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Me on ice
About Me
- Karen
- Making greeting cards using Stampin' Up stamp sets and other materials began in response to a friend who wanted me to go to a Stamp Camp with her. She was already somewhat involved in Stampin' Up and thought I'd like it since I did scrapbooking. When I finally gave in, I found it really was fun. I had no craft or creative skills, but I figured that if all I had to do was put together the pieces the demonstrator prepared, I could handle that. You can too!
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Father,
How patient your son was while He was here. He reflected your patience. The Bible is full of reasons for you to have a major "meltdown." Full of times when it would have made perfect sense. It's the same today. I can't comprehend how You hold back in the face of such outright disobedience and our total disregard of You. If You can withhold your anger under such circumstances, how little it is to expect me to be kinder and more patient in far less circumstances.
Holy Spirit, teach me patience.
Forgiveness
How glad I am that I discovered the truth and depth of Matthew 6:13,14. If I hadn't, many wonderful people would have been lost to me, many opportunities missed, and inner peace stolen. Now I know that when I've been wronged, I owe someone an apology as much as I think they owe me an apology. I must forgive if I expect forgiveness.
Oh how it pains me when my forgiveness or apology is turned away. How you, the Father, must grieve when people reject the forgiveness offered through the painful giving of your Son in payment for our sins.
Prayer
Psalm 5:3 has so much to sy to me.
a- "In the morning" - I've too long ignored the blessing offered by putting time with you as the way to begin the day.
b- "You hear my voice" - I've found it hard to believe that my prayers and those of others are hear by You.
c- "I lay my requests before you" - My prayer time is a fleeting thought tossed toward you.
d- "...wait in expectation" - Too often I don't wait at all but move in my own power not expecting anything from you.
Forgive me, Father.
Faith
Faith is a difficult thing I think. It's indeed believing what you cannot see. Can I see you? Hear you? Touch you? At first, I think, "No." Yet I'm reminded of the multitude of times I've seen you in a glorious landscape or in the smile or deeds of others. Even in the outstretched hand of beggars I can see you. I can hear you in the crashing sound of a glacier breaking apart, or the waves splashing over each other onto the shore. I hear you in the cooing of a baby and in the comforting words of others. In the arms of my husband, I feel you. In the touch of others, in their caring acts and love, I feel you.
Goodness is not in our nature. So, when it's experienced, it must be from a Higher Power delivered through His people.
Worship
The Gospel message is this: Salvation isn't about what I do; it's about what Jesus did. The Cross did more than pay for my sins; it set me free from the bondage of the "shoulds" and "if onlys" and "what might have beens." - Joanna Weaver, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World
In my desire to get busy for the Lord, I all too often say "Yes" to church committees, ministries, teaching, Bible study, and more. There are unlimited opportunities for service but limited time for relationship with the one I serve. That is certainly putting the cart before the horse - work before worship. I must first allow myself to spend time getting to know Him better. When I know His heart, I'll better know His will for me - worship before work.
It's true that memories of days of extreme trials have been and still are some of my most precious times. Those moments in my memory are indeed interwoven with golden strands of Your Presence, Father. While I may not have comprehended it each time, You were doing a new thing in me. It always became a lesson that made me stronger. It always brought me closer to You.
Worrying
I find myself worrying more often about future events. Instead of looking forward to them as they draw near, I feel them become a heavier and heavier mental burden. To complicate that, I fail to prepare for the event. If I would do, each day, something toward preparation, there would be less concern. Matthew 6:34 seems to be a motto I should live by. It tells me not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. But shouldn't there be a follow-up verse on what I SHOULD be doing.
I feel crippled by my choice to worry and my desire to do nothing. James 4:14 reminds me that my life is a "mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." It's vanishing right before my eyes!
Emptiness
God, how do I truly bury past hurts forever and cling instead to Your everlasting love and kindness? Your Word speaks of laughter being a great medicine and my life IS so full of laughter. Why then is the overriding emotion in my life sadness? I don't like myself and never have. The things I want to do, I don't. I can't. My body wills against it. My mind wants to be the woman of Proverbs 31. Is it even possible or is it a stumbling block?
I'm empty. Fill me.
I'm thirsty. Give me living water.
I'm down. Lift me up.
I'm lost. Direct my steps.
POSSESSIONS
I've felt convicted as I read Isaiah and learned how God's people had come to be idol worshippers. Often those idols were the "things" they owned. Stuff. The same could be said for me as I often use my financial resources frivolously.
God gives generously and I have received much. The problem is that I make more of my "things" than I do of the Giver. In Him, I have the one thing I most need to satisfy me - Him.
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